BUKAN KITA SEORANG..

kenapa sejak akhir2 ini hati ini begitu sensitif? kenapa sejak akhir2 ini terasa diri begitu kosong.. kenapa begini?aah..bkn aku sengaja ingin berkeadaan sebegini.. mungkin sbb test haritu yg screwed up sangat2.. sampai tak jadi nak wat ape pon.. rasa kosong..did not know why every-not-neccessary things came on my mind.. astaghfirullah.. as I walked out from the class, headed my lonely way to the masjeed..prayed Zuhur..wanted to stay for a jenazah prayer but I needed to go at that time..had two hours more for my library training for circulation desk. At last, I got that work, alhamdulillah eventhough it is now becomes almost nothing.. not as excited as before. WHY? orang Palastine kata leesh?which means why?YES, why? well.. I don't know..

As I left the masjeed, I knew there will be a cat tran (university's shuttle) going to the Main Library from the street near the masjeed. Got into the tran. Just not like usual. The driver, who knows me, just kept quiet. He seemed like knowing my situation-not in a good mood.. When we arrived near the library, as I got off from the shuttle and he was shouting to me "Don't work too hard...!!" I just said, "ok!! ".

While walking to the library, I kept thinking his words.. yeah..I just realized that I was working too much.. both my work and my school stuffs..analysis, debate, presentation, exams, quizzes, sickness.. campus weird cases..a full package of dizziness.. My training session was just nothing..it was kind of fun, maybe.
BUT
Why should I complain all of these?I'm destinied to be here. As a student, seeker of knowledge.. a traveler,dont' know how far away I should go. Came back home. When I was laying down for a couple minutes..Ya Rabbi.. I'm your dho'if servant.. aah..teringat rumahh.. call rumah ma tak ada, abah tak ada..merenung syiling apartment yg bakal ditinggalkan ini..- aku ni..menda camni pun dah susah hati.. semua menda nak pk serius..padahal banyak lagi menda lain nak kena pk.. my personal stuff pun dah lama tak pk..letak tepi sat.. sambung abis kelas nanti..balik Malaysia nanti pklah ek..takyah isau..semua yg tu insyaAllah berjalan lancar di bawah kawalan dan ketawakkalan kepadaNya..alhamdulillah..

then teringat something..aku ni rasa berat, rasa beban..rasa sakit..serabut ni tak ada apa pun.. everything was just fine.. it was just me.. kalau nak bandingkan dgn Rasulullah SAW lagi banyak dugaan..nak bandingkan diri ini dgn Baginda mmg takleh nakwat perbandingan. Even tengok sahabat2 Baginda..banyaklagi ujian..then teringat.. seorang sahabat.. in the Battle of Uhud..ayah dia terbunuh oleh orang Islam sendiri disebabkan masa tu huru-hara orang Islam kena serang semasa some of them tgh leka kutip harta perang..masa tu semua huru hara tak kenal mana satu Muslimin or Kaafiruun.. tapi dia dgn tenang mendo'akan Allah mengampunkan orang yg tersalah bunuh ayah dia itu..bayangkanlah.. betapa sabar dan teguhnya iman sahabat.

At that point I got up.. Life must go on. Don't think we have the worst problem ever. It was just nothing..I'm feeling better now..alhamdulillah.. thanks to the supporters =) jazakumullahu khayran katheera.. InsyaAllah, always make du'aa for all of us to be more patient and steadfast in His way.. Always try to stand firm by ourselves! Allah is always with us.. wa yassirli amri.. Ameen..